Selecting a Venue
The first decision you must make in regards to your child's Bar/Bat Mitzvah will be where you will have your party. When selecting a venue to host the party of the year, there are many decisions to make in regards to what type of party you want to celebrate your child's incredible milestone. The decisions you make will affect the quality and the atmosphere of your party.
The Type of Venue
There are many options you can choose in regards to what kind of party you want to throw. Selecting the perfect place for the party depends on the kind venue you select.
Catering or Banquet Halls
Probably the most popular of all the venues would be classified as a Catering or Banquet Hall. These establishments specialize in throwing 5 hour parties. You will have to make decisions as to whether it matters to you whether they can cater to more than one party at a time. Try to find those that have a lot of experience dealing with Bar/Bat Mitzvahs. You should try to select one that has a separate room for the adult and the kids' cocktail hours. These catering halls tend to really put on some scrumptious cocktail hours, with so much food, that most people will be too stuffed to do anything but pick at the entry when it is delivered. If you are interested in having a Kosher affair, make sure you ask if they can provide that for you. Because most of the catering Halls are family owned businesses, it is likely that the sales staff that you deal with initially will still be there at the time your event rolls around.
Temple or Synagogue's Social Hall
Another popular option for throwing your Bar/Bat Mitzvah party would be at a Temple or Synagogue's Social Hall. Your temple might not have a particularly beautiful room for a party, but you might search around your area to find those temples that do. Many congregations have spent millions of dollars in renovations to market their banquet halls to not only congregants, but non-members as well. If you plan on selecting a Conservative synagogue your choices will probably be limited to Saturday night after sundown or on Sunday, since there can be no music and no electricity being utilized during shabbat. Some reformed temples will allow you to have a full-fledged party with music and dancing on Saturday afternoon. You will have to pay a fee to the temple for renting the room and you most likely will have to bring in your own caterer. Check to see what the rules are, you most likely will need to find a Kosher caterer for your affair.
Hotels
For the convenience of out of town guests you might want to select a Hotel to host your Bar/Bat Mitzvah party. Hotels tend to have very large expandable ballrooms and can usually accomodate a small or large number of guests. The hotels often have a more corporate feel to their ballrooms as compared to more elegant catering halls. Most hotels have relationships with some local Kosher caterers and can provide you with your dietary requirements.
Another issue with large chain hotels is that there is often an ever increasing turn-over in their staff. It is possible that you might develop a relationship with the sales person during your planning process and find them to be gone onto greener pastures by the time your affair rolls around.
Don't forget to ask for a discount for lodging your guests with a block of rooms reserved in your name. You may even be able to book a room for free for your family on the night of your party. If you have a Saturday afternoon party, you can spend some casual time with your guests in the hotel after the party, rather than having dinner catered or prepared by you at home. Your kids might also be thrilled to stay at the hotel and spend the night in the hotel, swimming and having fun with their cousins or friends. If you do have a good number of guests staying at the hotel ask about the possibility of planning for a brunch on Sunday morning for your remaining guests.
Another issue with large chain hotels is that there is often an ever increasing turn-over in their staff. It is possible that you might develop a relationship with the sales person during your planning process and find them to be gone onto greener pastures by the time your affair rolls around.
Don't forget to ask for a discount for lodging your guests with a block of rooms reserved in your name. You may even be able to book a room for free for your family on the night of your party. If you have a Saturday afternoon party, you can spend some casual time with your guests in the hotel after the party, rather than having dinner catered or prepared by you at home. Your kids might also be thrilled to stay at the hotel and spend the night in the hotel, swimming and having fun with their cousins or friends. If you do have a good number of guests staying at the hotel ask about the possibility of planning for a brunch on Sunday morning for your remaining guests.
Country Clubs
If your Bar/Bat Mitzvah is scheduled during the warm weather months you may want to select a Country Club to host your party. Typically, the grounds of the country club are breathtaking, especially those with golf courses on their grounds. Guests love to spend some of the cocktail hour outside enjoying the sounds and sights of nature. It also makes for perfect background scenery for any formal family portraits you plan for your photographer to get before or during the party.
If you are planning your party for a Saturday afternoon in the spring or fall, you probably will want to consider hiring valet parking, so your guests won't have to compete with golf club members for parking spots.
Many country clubs have their own chefs and will provide you with a full menu to select from. Others may provide you with a list of suitable caterers or you can bring in your own. Be sure to find out what their policy is in regards to providing Kosher or non-Kosher catering. A good percentage of country clubs in Northern New Jersey do not offer a Kosher option. It is probably a good idea to ask them how much experience they have dealing with Bar/Bat Mitzvahs. Some of the country clubs are not what you would classify as "kid friendly."
If you are planning your party for a Saturday afternoon in the spring or fall, you probably will want to consider hiring valet parking, so your guests won't have to compete with golf club members for parking spots.
Many country clubs have their own chefs and will provide you with a full menu to select from. Others may provide you with a list of suitable caterers or you can bring in your own. Be sure to find out what their policy is in regards to providing Kosher or non-Kosher catering. A good percentage of country clubs in Northern New Jersey do not offer a Kosher option. It is probably a good idea to ask them how much experience they have dealing with Bar/Bat Mitzvahs. Some of the country clubs are not what you would classify as "kid friendly."
Specialty Venues:
Over the last several years new types of party locales have sprung up throughout the area, best classified as Specialty Venues. If you are really not interested in throwing a stuffy or formal sit-down affair these locations might be right up your alley. Typically, these places have some type of theme associated with them and don't look anything like the run of the mill banquet hall. The decorations in the rooms might contain Hollywood memorabilia or Space Creatures. You probably won't need to select a theme for your party, since the theme of the party center will be the driving force of the party. There tends to be lots of eye candy in these sites. These party centers often supply centerpieces or balloons for your tables so you can save lots of money on decorating the room. These Specialty party centers sometimes will provide you with their own deejays or you may have to hire your own.
As for food, most have decent sized kitchens, and typically they will provide you with a list of caterers or you can bring in your own. One of the hottest trends in Bar/Bat Mitzvahs has become creating a lounge atmosphere for parties. The food is usually served buffet style, and you can opt to sit at a formal table or on couches with cocktail tables. Many Mitzvah parents throw a small luncheon for their guests at temple after the service and then throw a kids only party at these locales on Saturday night or Sunday during the day. Ask if they have all inclusive packages to help you save some money on throwing your party.
As for food, most have decent sized kitchens, and typically they will provide you with a list of caterers or you can bring in your own. One of the hottest trends in Bar/Bat Mitzvahs has become creating a lounge atmosphere for parties. The food is usually served buffet style, and you can opt to sit at a formal table or on couches with cocktail tables. Many Mitzvah parents throw a small luncheon for their guests at temple after the service and then throw a kids only party at these locales on Saturday night or Sunday during the day. Ask if they have all inclusive packages to help you save some money on throwing your party.
The Food
Most Bar/Bat Mitzvah parents look forward to throwing a party with terrific food. Be sure to check out the quality and the quantity of the food during the cocktail hour, considered by many to be the most important part of the epicurean experience at a Mitzvah.
Make sure the options you need are provided such as regular Kosher, Glatt Kosher, Kosher style, Non-Kosher or even vegetarian alternatives for your guests. Many catering halls and Hotels don't provide the Kosher meals themselves, they will bring in Kosher caterers for your event. Some of the halls are exclusively Kosher, if this is not a necessity for you, it might be a better option for you to look for another location. Keep in mind Kosher caterers will not use butter or cheese in the meal preparation, if this is important to you you probably won't choose to go the Kosher route. Also if you desire shrimp, other shellfish or even bacon as some of the items you want as hors d'oeuvres you will not want to go Kosher or even Kosher-Style. If there are a few very religious guests coming to your party, you can ask your caterer to provide you with a "few Kosher meals."
If you are not familiar with the food at your party venue ask the caterer if they can provide you with a "tasting" of the food before the big day. This will also allow you to select your favorite foods for the menu you would like to present to your guests. If you need to bring in your own caterer, spend the time shopping to find a company that not only meets your dietary needs, but also personnel that you will find it easy to work with.
You probably will be provided with options for a sit-down dinner or a buffet. In most cases a buffet style meal costs substantially less than a plated sit-down affair. The problem with buffets is that many times the lines will be long and your guests might get frustrated standing in line waiting for dinner. Some catering halls are not quick enough to fill the chafing dishes once they begin to empty out and not all your guests will be able to sample all the food if they are sitting at the last table called. Another problem with buffets is that it might be a while from the time the food is presented to the time it is eaten, and one common complaint is that the food gets cold. In scheduling the events of your party you need to let the entertainment know whether it is a buffet or a sit-down dinner. Although buffets take longer to get everyone served, you don't need to stop the party for specific courses, like salad or appetizers. All the food is presented on the buffet at once. The entertainment company will plan out their sets accordingly with assistance from the Maitre 'D.
Also don't forget to ask what the discounted price is for the children's dinners. Keep in mind that they shouldn't have to pay for the alcohol that has been added into the bill, plus they are usually provided with much lower cost food to begin with. Chicken fingers and pasta should not cost the same as Filet Mignon. A good rule to follow is that the children's meals should be about half the price of the adult meals. I recommend serving the kids buffet style. Most are very picky eaters to begin with and they usually are not seated long enough at the party to even put a dent in the food.
Talk to your caterer about providing food for your vendors, they are working hard for you and should be given some sustenance to continue in that vein.
Even though your guests might be stuffed when it comes time to eat the main course, there is always room for dessert. Most caterers provide a "Torah Cake" for the candle-lighting ceremony and will cut this up to serve during dessert. Another nice touch is to provide a series of pastries or chocolate covered strawberries on a plate for the whole table. Lately, chocolate fountains with lots of goodies to dip has become a very hot feature at Mitzvahs. For the kids, provide them with an ice cream sundae bar and don't be surprised that half of your adult guests will be up there splurging themselves!
Make sure the options you need are provided such as regular Kosher, Glatt Kosher, Kosher style, Non-Kosher or even vegetarian alternatives for your guests. Many catering halls and Hotels don't provide the Kosher meals themselves, they will bring in Kosher caterers for your event. Some of the halls are exclusively Kosher, if this is not a necessity for you, it might be a better option for you to look for another location. Keep in mind Kosher caterers will not use butter or cheese in the meal preparation, if this is important to you you probably won't choose to go the Kosher route. Also if you desire shrimp, other shellfish or even bacon as some of the items you want as hors d'oeuvres you will not want to go Kosher or even Kosher-Style. If there are a few very religious guests coming to your party, you can ask your caterer to provide you with a "few Kosher meals."
If you are not familiar with the food at your party venue ask the caterer if they can provide you with a "tasting" of the food before the big day. This will also allow you to select your favorite foods for the menu you would like to present to your guests. If you need to bring in your own caterer, spend the time shopping to find a company that not only meets your dietary needs, but also personnel that you will find it easy to work with.
You probably will be provided with options for a sit-down dinner or a buffet. In most cases a buffet style meal costs substantially less than a plated sit-down affair. The problem with buffets is that many times the lines will be long and your guests might get frustrated standing in line waiting for dinner. Some catering halls are not quick enough to fill the chafing dishes once they begin to empty out and not all your guests will be able to sample all the food if they are sitting at the last table called. Another problem with buffets is that it might be a while from the time the food is presented to the time it is eaten, and one common complaint is that the food gets cold. In scheduling the events of your party you need to let the entertainment know whether it is a buffet or a sit-down dinner. Although buffets take longer to get everyone served, you don't need to stop the party for specific courses, like salad or appetizers. All the food is presented on the buffet at once. The entertainment company will plan out their sets accordingly with assistance from the Maitre 'D.
Also don't forget to ask what the discounted price is for the children's dinners. Keep in mind that they shouldn't have to pay for the alcohol that has been added into the bill, plus they are usually provided with much lower cost food to begin with. Chicken fingers and pasta should not cost the same as Filet Mignon. A good rule to follow is that the children's meals should be about half the price of the adult meals. I recommend serving the kids buffet style. Most are very picky eaters to begin with and they usually are not seated long enough at the party to even put a dent in the food.
Talk to your caterer about providing food for your vendors, they are working hard for you and should be given some sustenance to continue in that vein.
Even though your guests might be stuffed when it comes time to eat the main course, there is always room for dessert. Most caterers provide a "Torah Cake" for the candle-lighting ceremony and will cut this up to serve during dessert. Another nice touch is to provide a series of pastries or chocolate covered strawberries on a plate for the whole table. Lately, chocolate fountains with lots of goodies to dip has become a very hot feature at Mitzvahs. For the kids, provide them with an ice cream sundae bar and don't be surprised that half of your adult guests will be up there splurging themselves!
Call Bonnie Durkin, The Mitzvah Maven,
for assistance in selecting the perfect venue for your
Bar/Bat Mitzvah party:
973-927-1588
[email protected]
Ask Bonnie to email you the following forms:
- List of Mitzvah Venues in Northern New Jersey
- List of Kosher Caterers
